The Burke Hair Guide to Fashion is dead. Rising from its grave, like some impossibly strong zombie**, is Burke Hair's Guide to Style. Now I know what you're thinking, "But Burke, where will I get all my up-to-the-week fashion tips?" From Burke Hair's Guide to Style.
"Whaaaaa?"
That's right, the BHGF has been taken behind the shed, Old Yeller style, but BHGS will be so much more. It will offer my takes on not only fashion, but other style related endeavors as well.
"Thank you so much."
You're welcome.
In summary, I have dropped the "the" and added a possessive apostrophe because I'm more efficient in 2011, and I have changed "fashion" to "style" because I want to be able to transition my brand into offering exciting new products, such as my forthcoming line of embroidered pillows, coming this spring exclusively at Target.
This is the beginning of an empire, people.
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| John Stockton was the last person to successfully wear short shorts in the NBA. He was also one of the dirtiest players in the history of sport. |
Shortened pants, as shorts are formally known, are probably one of the last things you are currently thinking about if you: 1) live in the northern hemisphere; 2) Live somewhere with real seasons as opposed to a magical wonderland in which the weather is pleasant all year long***; and 3) Are not one of those winter-short-wearing-crazies. But I just happen to have shorts on my mind.
In honor of Martin Luther King, Jr., the NBA had most of its teams play games, at all times of the day, this past Monday. Because the best way to celebrate Dr. King's legacy is by inconveniencing a mostly black league for the enjoyment of its mostly white audience. Or something like that, I don't know, I wasn't alive during the civil rights movement.
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| When your shorts are this long they become either baggy flooding pants or baggy capris, two things that are not cool. |
Anyway, as I watched the Chicago Bulls compete athletically with the Memphis Grizzlies, I thought to myself how short length has changed over time. Transport me back 30 years and I'm watching a bunch of guys running around in shorts that are always one slip away from being the ultimate 'wardrobe malfunction.' Today, shorts hang down around the knee, and I wonder, what are we hiding? Is this what progress looks like?
Like many things, however, short length is cyclical.
Currently, knee-length shorts are common among men, unless you are into certain parts of the rap game, particularly in the south, in which much longer shorts are often seen. But just 30 years ago, genital-hugging shorts were all the rage among even modest men. If we look even further into the past, our nation's founding fathers wore shortened pants that cut off at the knee****, which is a length that is popular today.
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| I really want to call these pantaloons but I don't think that would be historically accurate, and if there's one thing I'm all about, it's historical accuracy. |
Short length is cyclical = Proven.
Now that we agree on that, I think it is time that we think about shifting the cycle back toward shorter shorts. Men, why are you denying yourselves the supreme comfort and range of motion that your body yearns for and that tiny shorts can offer? Why let only women enjoy the pleasures of minuscule outerwear and uninhibited thighs?
The time for the short shorts revolution is now. Someone yells out into the world, "Who wears short shorts?" I want you to stand proudly, thigh-hair flowing in the breeze, "I wear short shorts."
You wear short shorts.
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* As always, a disclaimer is in order: My (Burke Hair) views contained in this post are my own and are not necessarily shared by this blog or Annaleah Garing.
** In his book The Zombie Survival Guide, Max Brooks points out how silly the depiction of a graveyard filled with walking dead crawling up from their graves really is. Think about it, a zombie is only as strong as the human that it used to be, and no human could ever crawl up to the service under six feet of soil. The weight of all that soil would prove too great an obstacle.
*** I understand that there are non-magical places like this that exist but I choose to not believe in them because winter in Chicago lasts for approximately 16 months.
**** I'm not sure they were really shorts because you had to wear them tight, like pants, and with some long stocking-like socks but they definitely count as shorts in my book, Burke Hair's Guide to Style.
