The BHGF: Man Bags

Guest Contributor: Burke Hair*

This week, my associate Annaleah wrote about bags for the ladies.  From some pictures I have recently seen, I think some people might be confused. And by "some people" I mean men and by "confused" I mean think that they can carry around purses. Allow me to put forth some evidence:

You can pull this off when you are a fashion designer.
Apparently at this point, Marc Jacobs can pretty much wear whatever he wants.  Notice the kilt.

I'm guessing this guy thought he was
carrying a messenger bag.
 Sorry, but I won't call anything this tiny
and purse-like a messenger bag.
At this size, I will label that an "old man purse."

Tom, man.  Why do you have to do things like this?

That's just a pair of pants on his...Wait a second, that's a purse!
Nice try, purse wearing guy.  

The only way you could pull off carrying a bag like this is if you are on a
dangerous, treasure-promising expedition.
Adventuring archeologists need bags like this.  You don't.

This is why Americans don't like soccer. 

Worse than carrying your girlfriend's purse:
Carrying her extra, larger purse.

There are only a couple types of bags that a man should be carrying around. The basic rule of thumb for this is that if it looks like a purse, it is a purse. Or murse (man purse).

This is what you look like whenever you wear a
string backpack, men.

Backpacks are an acceptable form of bag if you are a student or in some sort of casual attire.  String backpacks are not acceptable. 

Messenger bags are acceptable as long as they are in solid colors and roughly briefcase size (big enough to carry a large laptop).

Briefcases are a bold move, and should only be bandied about if you wear a suit and are an important person. Nice ways to accessorize with a briefcase include slicked back hair, an expensive watch, and engaging in predatory lending practices.

An athletic bag can be carried around but only if you are preparing to, or have just finished, participating in athletic endeavors.

When traveling, you can carry around luggage that can pretty much look like anything.  Traveling is one of the times in which you are allowed to carry whatever bag it takes to get the job done.  I probably won't pass judgment on you for your luggage choices.

To summarize: If you view yourself as a rugged, masculine individual (much like myself), don't carry a purse.  

*Disclaimer: Burke Hair's views on fashion are his own and are not shared by this blog or Annaleah Garing.  In fact, this blog is appalled by his fashion sense. To avoid being the laughing stock of the fashion world, you should probably do the opposite of everything that he says.